I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
