worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
