I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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