Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
