Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
