i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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