Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
birth control should be required to get into college
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Two words: blizzard sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
