Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
