I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
