he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
