I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
