this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
