It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I supernannyed him into submission
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
