her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
