There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize