I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
