You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
