Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
