my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
