I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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