I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
