I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
