I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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