Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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