Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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