when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
