He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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