so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize