I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
