I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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