this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
