to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
