Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
