I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
