Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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