so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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