I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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