Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i will never coherently bang her
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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