"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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