that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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