my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
