am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
