Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
