You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
