i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
