I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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