I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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