Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize