then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
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