If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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