I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
