he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
