he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Randomize
