hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
