i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize