There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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