she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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