You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
