Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
