I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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