haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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