Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
